Yesterday on Oprah I watched Portia DeRossi share her struggle with weight, health and perceptions. To see someone who seems so happy publicly share her dark struggle was interesting. It also puts things into perspective when you realize that at 82 pounds she still thought she was fat.
It makes me wonder how skewed my own perceptions are. The girl I see in the mirror is not the same girl I see in pictures. Some day's I see as myself as curvy, some days as healthy, some days as average and there are days that I see myself as the recluse who will eventually need to be lifted out of my house by the fire department, shipped to the airport on a flatbed truck where I will need to purchase an entire row of seats for myself while enroute to the obesity clinic where my roommate Jojo will hide pizza in her rolls to chow down on after hours when the staff has turned out the lights.
Yes, my imagination went there. But I think it goes to show how thought consuming the whole weight issue can be. And also how perceptions can be stretched to the point where you don't recognize yourself.
Skinny girls want curves, curvy girls want to be thin. It's a never ending cycle of wanting what you can't have. So my new goal is to be happy with what I have. To embrace my curves and be okay with the fact that I'm never going to look like a VS swimsuit model. I can however be healthier. And so I'll keep gymmin' while I work towards that.
It won't be easy. Last night's FB status read "i would rather stab myself in the eye with a hot fork than drag my ass to the gym right now". But I went. And I felt good about it afterwards! So here's to celebrating me, no matter my size, weight or perception of what that all means on any given day.