Friday, October 29, 2010

The Half Way Epiphany

Strangely I feel good about admitting that I had a terrible week. Monday really set the tone for how things went for me and I stayed in a unstable state of mind. I also decided to make some changes.

I will no longer be tracking every morsel of food that goes into my mouth with the Daily Plate. It made me crazy! It also made me feel guilty. At one point a Granny Smith apple put me over my limit and I felt horrible. I never want to feel bad about eating an apple. That's wrong on so many levels. So I'm stopping. Calorie counting may be the right tool for some people but not for me and that's ok.

I also decided to focus on more realistic and attainable goals. I always think that I can go back to the gym after one of my hiatuses and start right back where I left off. It does not work that way. Yes, 4 months ago I was hitting the gym 5 days at week at 6am and doing an hour of cardio before a half hour of core and toning moves. I'm just not there right now. it doesn't mean I won't get there, but I think I need to realize that nothing happens overnight. Or in 2 weeks. It's going to take more time than I thought (and hoped) but if I work my way in slowly and make a commitment I can be that girl again. I can even out do that girl. i just need to be realistic so that I don't get discouraged and give up.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


The three pound weight gain has really thrown me for a loop. Honestly, there was a moment where I almost reached for a giant two litre of ice cream and ate it all in one sitting. But I held back. In retrospect, I am not convinced that this was the "best" month to start my 30 day challenge, then again when is a good month?

So I have a lot of confessions to make, well really one big confession. I have not been exercising and I have not been counting my calories on the daily plate. What I have been doing is making a conscious effort to eat less sugar and salt and to generally move more. This is about the best I can offer with the week I have been having. I missed my last blog day because I was traveling for focus groups around CB leaving Sydney at 8:00am and returning at 11:30pm. The next morning was a similar early start with meetings through lunch and the afternoon. Last night I did not sleep at all and tonight I have a meeting at 8:00pm. D is in Halifax doing arty things and it is just the Child, the cat and I holding down the fort. Though this is not diet related, I feel it is only right to tell you that I am hanging on to my sanity by the thinnest of threads.

If the Child chooses to hit me in the face or whine the word "noise" over and over and over and over again for minutes, I might completely break down. The fact that I have not turned to ice cream and chips is a miracle.

Lessons: I am pretty busy. Work is busy, life is busy, volunteering is busy. D is busy which means we are juggling schedules. A regimented exercise regime is going to be hard which means we are going to have to get a little bit more creative. And by we I mean me. So far this week my creativity has extended to dancing wildly around to the kitchen with the Child and D after and before supper. It worked for Kristie Alley... And then she got mega fat again so maybe not the best role model.

At any rate, I take up the charge of the 30 day shred again on Saturday - for now it is safely out of my reach on D's laptop in Halifax.

(I hope no one reads this and realizing I am home breaks in to my house in the night!)

The Monday that Never Happened

I promise to get back to updating you on my successes but had to post this in follow up to my last rant.

No one tells you that borderline starvation will cause serious lapses in mental capacity. No, I learned that the hard way.

Monday was probably one of the most emotionally overwhelming days I have had in a long time. This in part was due to the fact that had I not been starving it could have been just another manic Monday.

But it wasn't. When I found out that I was cutting out way too many calories and could my intake by at least 300 I was pumped! I was starving for a week so I really couldn't wait to eat. Then my office phone rang. It was my doctor's office telling me that I had an appointment for a kidney ultrasound at 2:30. I was not allowed to eat or drink anything.

On any other day I could have handled this news, but today it messed with my head and all I could think about was food!

So I did what I do best and complained to Sid about how I was starving, I couldn't concentrate etc. I even raged out for a minute and yelled at a gift bag under my desk. Sidney pointed out that I was losing my mind and we had a good laugh about it.

Then I realized that I was wearing knee high boots and would most likely end up in only a hospital "johnny" later. I conveyed my fashion worry to Sid, who convinced me that would not be the case and I would probably only have to unbutton my pants for the ultra sound later. So with her sound advice ringing in my ears, I opted not to go home and change first.

So 2:00 rolls around and I'm famished, barely able to focus on anything. I register for the ultra sound and am lead to a change room. That's right a change room. I'm handed a Johnny and a clear garbage bag to put my clothes in. I almost passed out! Sid was wrong! She's never wrong! In fact we call her "the wizard" at work because she has this crazy way of always being right and knowing everything. For a brief moment I hated the wizard.

So I sucked it up and changed. I emerged wearing my johnny and went to take my seat in the waiting room next to two 400 year olds and a guy who looked like he just escaped from prison.

Then I looked down. And I was indeed sitting in a waiting room wearing knee high hooker boots and a johhny. Tears! Let me just point out that I am not that girl that cries at the drop of a dime. I bet it’s safe to say that even my closest friends have only rarely (and with good reason) seen me cry. But here I was feeling the draft from my johhny, rocking hooker boots and crying into my Chanel satchel while clutching my Glad bag of belongings.

It is a day I have put far behind me but will not soon forget. Oh, and I did not go to the gym that day.

Monday, October 25, 2010


Not a fan of that type of emoticon but...

............ DESPAIR.


In case you hadn't noticed by my extreme overuse of exclamation points (which I don't normally condone), I have had a rough day. Keep in mind that it's not quite 10:30 AM yet.

Let me start out with my workout for yesterday. My friend S and I got up at 8am and drove to the gorgeous Cape Breton Highlands to hike the Skyline Trail. For years I've been hearing what a fantastic hike it was and how the scenery was breathtaking. I couldn't wait!

We powered up the trail finally making it to then of the earth, literally. The view was amazing! It was ridiculously windy so we very carefully stepped down each tier of steps until we were at the very end! Then we realized we had to go back up the steps. The trek up began. And every time we thought we were just about at the top, there were more steps. It was great knowing that I was getting a good workout in, but my legs were not thanking me.

8km's later (mostly up a a slight hill on the way back) we had completed the loop and reached my Escape. It was not the leisurely stroll I expected and I loved it more for that!

Which brings me to Monday. Okay friends brace yourselves. My rage is about to takeover.

I got out of bed this morning and jumped on the scale expecting be down a couple pounds. NOT THE CASE! I was up 1 pound. My head was spinning. How was this possible? I worked out 4 days this week and I ate healthy foods and I stuck to my calorie intake as allotted to me by MyPlate at

Enraged and curious I went to work and chatted about my dilemma to Sid and B. Suddenly Sid asks "By the way, what exactly is your daily calorie intake?"

And I nonchalantly answered....(seriously, brace yourselves)....948.

The look on Sidney's face was a mixture of amazement/disgust/panic.

I'll save you the raw details of the conversation that ensued, but its safe to say we figured out that i was starving. Literally!!!!!!!!! (note the overuse again).

Do you have any idea how hard it is to stay under 948 calories a day. Don't try it,it's not safe, just take it from's F#$%^ING HARD!

No wonder I was so cranky last week! I was hungry! I know I'm a complete idiot for going along with that number in the first place, but I think I should get an award for not leaving a pile of bodies in my wake.

So back to MyPlate to re-adjust my info and manually enter my new calorie intake of 1200. (This number came at the suggestion of a trusted, credible nutritionist friend this time.)

Oh and worth noting was the fine print that I found on my original info that said I should consult a doctor before starting with such a low calorie intake number.

All I know is that if my scale had testicles this morning I so would have kicked it in them. Same goes for Lance*.

*Please note I don't really hold Lance responsible but I do need someone to hold my Monday grudge against and he wins.

Weekend Warrior Retreats

Well. Here is a rare treat! This is what Lenore and I look like when he head to the gym! Impressed? Inspired? Jealous? Likely all three.

Saturday and Sunday were nutty! I was at the Mill River Resort for the annual Maritime Spinners Retreat as previously mentioned. Though it was windy and though it was raining, Rachel and I set out around the resort for a brisk 30 minute stroll in the wind and rain. Umbrellas were blown inside out, but we felt accomplished and GREAT. I splurged on a couple of treats: a chocolate chip scone, a chocolate lava cake, and a handful of dark chocolate almonds. But with the walk and the stairs climbed (my floor was on the second floor, and YES I counted the flights of stairs walked) I still managed to stay within my goals for daily caloric intake. TIP: vegetables are practically free! Eatemup! A small aside:WHY do conferences insist on giving vegetarians the most disgusting meals? My supper was spaghetti with leftover homemade tomato soup from lunch served as sauce with the same steamed vegetables that the meat eaters were having with their turkey dinners. Why couldn't they just give me the mash potatoes and veggies?

It was also suggested at the retreat that I am not eating enough calories at 1188 per day. If you think this is low, wait til you hear from Lenore later on today!

Yesterday, I hardly ate anything at all. I had a big breakfast, 3/4 of a sandwich, many coffees, and a muffin. Somehow with the health properties in those foods, I think I probably maxed out my calories anyway. I would not know because I was traveling home from the retreat and was in transit from 10am-10pm. No exercise, no daily plate, no nothing. Those idiot TV trainers that are always going on about how "everyone has time to work out in their day" are sort of wrong. I mean I guess you could squeeze it in if you didn't care about sleeping after 12 hours of travel. You might have the time, but not the "time" you know?

Shameful Memory: Eating in one day a Love It sized Cold Stone Creamery ice cream, macaroni and cheese, and more ice cream. Later that night I had painful, PAINFUL cramps and I thought I was going to be sick. In the middle of the night in the washroom I seriously thought I was having a baby in the toilet and would later appear on the hit TLC series "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant". I was trying to remember where the car seat was stored, had we saved any infant clothes and so on. Trying to come to terms with the shame of calling work the next day to say that I couldn't make it in, that I had had a toilet baby. But all was well. I was just sick from too much fat and dairy.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The First Weekend/Major Hurdle

Okay so let me start by getting this off my chest right away. I did NOT get to the gym on either Friday or Saturday. And I have this horrible sense of guilt about it, which I don't quite understand.

It's not like I kicked a baby or killed a puppy, I just did't get to the gym. Life happened I suppose. There was work, there was drinking, there was the mall. Weekend stuff. Minus the beer I still managed to stay within my calorie limit but I still feel pretty horrible about not being more dedicated to some kind of exercise program.

I guess I could count elbow tipping and power shopping and running around in 3 inch stilettos. But instead I will count this as major obstacle number one and a valuable life lesson learned. Life is going to happen again next weekend so my challenge is to conquer it, and by conquer I mean working out before boozing, just to clarify.

I will also rid myself of this guilt because lets face it, there are going to be days when I just don't have the time to exercise. As long as those days don't win I should be OK, right?

So what do I do from here? I guess I take the advice of one of my favorite atheists and "offer it up to Jesus and move on".

Friday, October 22, 2010


Well. Here I am. Safe and sound in beautiful Mill River, Prince Edward Island for the annual Maritime Spinner's Retreat (yarn, not bikes). I have not entered an ounce of food all day as I have been from one end of PEI to the other, (literally!) which I know is not an earth shattering distance. AND I have eaten.... A SQUARE. A cheesecake square. Dreams of a leisurely swim in the pool are dashed by a co-ed high school volleyball tournament; I don't think I need say more. So aside from carting my child around, exercise has been minimal. Tomorrow perhaps a brisk morning walk - assuming the rain and wind dies down.

I am not calling this day a failure yet. Things could have been worse and Rome wasn't built in a day. Don't give up on me yet!'s only day 4

Okay so I went to the gym last night (even though I would have rather chewed my own arm off) and I managed to up my cardio to an hour instead of my usual half hour. Small victory for me, yay!

But while I was on the elliptical and the treadmill all I could think about was the people on the machines around me. They had such focus on their faces. Where does this come from? Am I just not there yet? What exactly were they thinking about? I can only assume that they are thinking about their health or their goals, I'm not sure really. I do know that nothing like that goes on in my head while I'm pedaling or walking.

For me the first half of the time is spent willing myself to go on. Come on Lenore, you can do it! And then I think I'm awesome and I inevitably make the mistake of looking down at the timer. 4 minutes. Then I spend the next little while convincing myself that my lungs won't really explode and I'm (probably) not going to die.

Then when I hit my stride there are no thoughts at all really. Not useful ones anyway. To be honest the only thing happening in my head at this point is the music video for whatever top 40 song is currently blasting through my ipod and deafening me. Sometimes I get so caught up that I actually find myself dancing slightly. Yes, that's right. This has happened to me. I find myself busting a move right there on the treadmill and then thinking "OMG there are other people here and THEY CAN SEE ME! So I pull the ever smooth move of pretending to stretch or fix my hair or something, but who am I kidding? No one.

My biggest fear is that this will happen and due to my poor physical state I won't be able to recover like I could have before and I'll be bucked from the treadmill, fly off the back and of course hit the wall behind me. That part I can handle, here's the fear part. That when someone comes to my rescue and asks me what happened, I'll be so shaken up that I won't be able to piece together a lie in my head and blame it on a seizure, a neurological disorder or a rare and unpronounceable condition, nope the truth will fly out of my mouth....My bad, I got caught up in a sudden and severe case of Bieber Fever and lost control.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Sidney's Log - Day 3

Right off the top, not a very creative title. This sets the tone for the general mood, I think. WHAT a week! I was in meetings all week and for the past two nights did not get home until 10:30 or 11:00. Granted one of the meetings was a lot of fun with a delicious glass of a honey wine (lots of sugar there), but what this means is two days of NOT shredding it.

On a positive note, I stuck to my caloric intake and did a nice 2.43 mile walk at lunch yesterday. I will take this as a victory in and of itself.

Realization 1: I eat WAY WAY WAY too much sugar! Here are some shocking three day numbers for you: Monday, 62 grams; Tuesday, a more respectable 20 grams; Wednesday, 58 grams! Part of my late return home post meeting last night was the purchase of Shredded Wheat - no salt no sugar added. This should help?

Realization 2: There is a lot of salt in cheese. I KNEW cheese was salty. I say all the time "cheese is salty" but to SEE the sodium numbers on my daily plate creeping up with each bit of cheese I eat... Shocking.

Realization 3: Meat eaters must eat an insane amount of protein in a day. Yesterday, I had one egg, no tofu or legumes and my protein intake was 67 grams where my daily intake should be about 29 grams.

Periodically I am struck with a Shameful Memory I mean, it's not really hard to remember them because the memories are all of four days old, but still, I believe I am a NEW person.

Shameful Memory:
Sitting in a darkened movie theatre eating salt and butter pretzel bites with nacho cheeze, chased with a small bag of almond M & M's, washed down with a Coke Zero. Yeah. The Coke Zero, that will make the difference.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Lenoreo vs the 2

Okay, so I didn't think that dragging my ass to the gym on the second day would be tough. However, I have on occasion, been wrong.

First I planned on going after work, but I had to eat supper. Then I planned on going after supper but the news was on and who am I to turn down Steve Murphy? Then I thought well maybe I could go twice tomorrow? It was at that point that I let my mind flash-forward to day 30........ Sidney, victorious in skinny jeans and me crying into a cupcake in the corner.

In a whirlwind of sneakers, ipods and water bottles I found myself on the elliptical, pushing through a 30 minute cardio blast.

It may have taken an imaginary dose of jealousy but I got there;)

The Pursuit of Health and Happiness

So like Sidney I too have had a number of sobering moments lately, they mostly involve me walking in front of a mirror and screaming “OMG who is that girl?!.” Now don’t get me wrong my weight gain didn’t happen overnight, it’s been a year of a temporary thyroid condition which for me meant having a broken metabolism and sleeping a lot, and plain and simple laziness. It is so much easier to drive everywhere instead of walking (especially in my new Ford Escape!), and to lie on the couch and watch TV instead of being physically active. Sure there are a ton of good TV shows on, but enough is enough.

So I pledge that for the next 30 days:

I will not give in to junk food or fast food (and in the rare case that I must, I will make healthier choices)

I will monitor my daily caloric intake on

I will sweat at least once a day, every day. Whether it means going to the gym, attending aerobics classes, checking out the local trails and hiking scenes...whatever! Variety will hopefully keep me from being distracted by a boring routine.

Three simple things that will hopefully lead to a lighter me. And just to state the obvious I do not think that I’ll be a new person in 30 days, but I do hope that this month leads to a second healthier month and so on, and so on and so on. And I challenge anyone that’s reading this to join us. It’s just one month, what have you got to lose? Except excess weight, stress, potential weight related health risks.........

Monday, October 18, 2010

Sidney's Log - Day One

First of all, it doesn't matter what you look like. So what if you show up to a noon time casual stroll at the Y wearing your bf's dirty (literally food on them) gym pants and a totally Rankin paint stained beige shirt? So what if you forgot to pack a sweater so you have to wear your blazer over the whole ensemble? The point is that you SHOWED UP to burn those 59 calories that a casual 20 minute stroll at 2 mph will burn. That's what matters. And I did it! Take that girl on the treadmill with nice gym clothes.

Other accomplishments of note: I did not eat trifle or chocolate cupcakes during today's staff meeting. This might not seem like much, but at the last staff meeting, I ate nachos and onion chip dip. I think this points to a real life/snacking low because those two things together do not even taste good.

Another thing that is over is my brief and torrid affair with noon time pop drinking. Seriously, when did I, very public pop denouncer, start drinking pop at lunch?

My first 30 Day Shred was completed (this time in paint stained pants) and a giant 27 year old t-shirt. But it was completed. Though I feel like throwing up and my arms are shaking, it is not quite as terrible as I remembered.

The daily plate has reminded me of two things today:

1. I may have to give up coffee or at least return to the days of drinking my coffee black. Updates on my successes in the days to come.
2. A "sweet and salty" granola bar is a chocolate bar in disguise and is, therefore, not an appropriate snack.

Learning things again for the 100th time is going to be eye opening.

It's Time...

There have been a variety of humbling and sobering moments lately which have led directly to this moment. A very public, very necessary declaration to achieve weight loss. It was difficult dealing with pants I own not buttoning, but when the post baby transition pants meant to only fit for a month or so are becoming TOO SMALL, something's gotta give. It would seem that that "something" is daily binges on things such as chips and ice cream. Restaurant lunches with creamy dressings and sides of salty fries. Lying around on the couch willing snacks to levitate into my mouth... you catch my drift.

I have flirted with being overweight for the past 16 months and I have realized it is not for me. I am too vain. I liked being thin too much. I am left with no choice but to call myself out publicly for being a tad gluttonous.

My 30 day pledge:

1. NO chips
2. NO ice cream
3. three to four noon time walks on the track at the Y
4. Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred
5. Monitoring my daily eating on the daily plate
6. Drink more than half a glass of water a day

I have weighed and measured myself (more humbling and sobering realities) and will, at the end of 30 days, share my successes. Lenore and I will be blogging on alternate days about the successes (or failures) we have achieved.